Dating and Relationship Questions and Answers

The one sided " I Love you", am I being paranoid?

First let me start by saying I am 21 years old and have been in 2 long term relationships, one for 5 years and one for 2 1/2 years.  And coming out of these relationships I have very low confidence about myself. Due to being cheated on both times. 

Anyways first how we met. The girl I'm with now and have been for the past 2 months is so amazing, she was my highschool crush, but we never knew each other very well. I remember one specific time speaking to her before football practice and that was the end of it.  Recently I met her at a friends birthday party, and the spark flew.I felt an instant connection with her, the same one as in highschool. I am practically drawn to her. 

I know it has only been two months, but in the first two weeks with her I felt this connection that just blew me away, something I never felt with either of the long term relationships I was in. Two days ago I was telling her goodbye and I told her I love her. It just came out it wasn't planned. Nothing, she has never told anyone she loved them she says, and she looked at me and said I know you do and smiled. 

She later explained that she is head over heels for me but she isn't ready to tell me that she wants to be sure. I am afraid I scared her now.  We both work 3rd shift so we sleep in the day and during the week we don't get to talk that much except off days.  Ever since I told her that I loved her, it has been very odd. We seem sort of distant, or this could simply be me being paranoid and my non-self confidence acting up. 

Her sister tells me she really likes me, and that she knows it for a fact.  Her parents gave me the blessing at thanksgiving to marry her if I wanted. Even though I never asked they just came out and said it, I just laughed a bit and smiled.  She says she doesn't understand how I know I love her already, but I feel it. I know she is the one person for me, or god wouldn't have brought us back together and that drawing connection still be there.

My question is, does she really like me? She leaves for Seattle for a week on Friday and it scares me, she may have a change of heart as it has happened in the past to me. I don't know who else to ask...thanks for any and all advice!!


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Dear Jeff

I'm sorry to hear you're having doubts, relationships can be a nerve racking endeavor. It's a shame that our past experiences can leave us feeling jaded, I have always been amazed at how much damage one person can do. The one sided "I love you" is a difficult situation to be in, but it's not the end of the world. I think it's time for you to redefine your confidence and regain some composure.

Getting paranoid, acting desperate and over expressing yourself could lead to disaster.

It's generally good practice to be cautious in the first stages of falling in love, biting your tongue could prevent a lot of unnecessary pain. You've put yourself in a vulnerable situation by being the first to say I love you, and although it isn't a big deal I would do my best to keep your cool. Some people need a little longer to feel convinced that they are in love and you don't want to come on too strong. Women smell desperation like sharks smell blood in the water, except they only like it half as much. As to say if a girl knows she's already won you over she won't have the same drive to win you over further.

She may have never fallen in love before...
She may been hurt in the past and is taking her time...
or is just not fully convinced yet...

Don't make her feel bad, don't pester her with questions, and try to live life like it was before. Don't act like it didn't happen but don't stress about it too much, she'll say it when she's ready. If you start getting weird about the situation she's going to feel pressured to "love" you and she'll either call it off or say it insincerely to pacify you. Both outcomes are not exactly what your looking for.

Love is a beautiful thing and it's easy to get caught up in the magic. Sometimes our love stories seem so prewritten with how "perfect" they are. Sadly I would say love isn't like a movie, and if you convince yourself it is you could be heading down the wrong road. Gauge your excitement by how your partner acts and try to stay on the same page. You've been hurt a lot in the past and might be looking for that final answer but it's rarely as easy as that.

In the end I can't be the one to tell you if she likes you or not, she's the only one that can do that for you .  I can on the other hand speculate, and I think you still have a good chance in the running. Appreciate the relationship for what it is, continue to enjoy her company, and don't squeeze too tight. Love her but don't come on too strong, she'll come around. Do your best to keep cool. If a week in Seattle is enough for her to forget about you she isn't the one meant for you and it's as simple as that.

I'm sure you got your life together, and you have to do your best to recapture your confidence. With or without this girl you have to be able to appreciate yourself first and foremost. We can't truly love others until we can love ourselves. The rest will follow...

Best of Luck! 

-Nate Lovestruck