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Question

New town, Myspace Hookup, she has a boyfriend?

I am 24 years old and divorced as of a few months ago. I just moved to another state and work most of the time so I don't have any friends down here. I have a Myspace page so I started browsing through some of pages people had in the area when I came across one that caught my eye. While I was looking at this girls page I noticed a picture of her in her apartment and realized that she lives at the same complex as I do. so I messaged her telling her a little bit about me and said that was just looking for a few friends to hang out with. It took her almost two weeks but she finally messaged me back saying that she normally didn't respond to random guys like myself but for some reason decided to anyways.

She left me her phone number and she stated that she had a boyfriend and that if I was just using Myspace as a dating service not to call her. A few days later I called her on a Friday night as like I said just wanted to meet some people. She was dropping off her 8 month old baby at her dad's house and would be back in town in a couple hours. So when she got home she took a shower and we went home for a few drinks and a little singing.

A few drinks turned into a lot and we ended up playing tag like little kids in Walmart at 3 am. The next day (she stayed at her house Friday night) she called me in the morning and said that she was going bowling with her boyfriend. I jokingly referred to him as the other guy which she said "don't say it like that it sounds so bad ha ha".

Saturday night she was going out with some girls from her work about an hour away and asked if I would meet up with her to do some dancing. I told her I couldn't because I didn't want to drive that far after drinking so she said she would call when she was home. At 3 am she called me and came over (drunk of course) and we listened to music, did some singing, and watched a movie, then went to sleep. Towards the end of the night at some point she kissed me. Then there was more kissing but nothing else until we went to sleep (since she was drunk).

We woke up around 10 am but stayed in bed till almost 4 in the afternoon. during that time there was some more kissing and a little more. Later that day her boyfriend called and wanted her to come over. Not able to get out of it she went to his house. A couple hours later she called me saying he went to the store for a min and couldn't talk long and was now referring to him as "the other guy". after a few minutes I let her go telling her to call me in the morning when she wakes up (knowing she was probably staying over there). I got out of work the next day at noon and when I got home I ran into her outside (she never called).

She said she was leaving to run to the store to get some food and she said she would call when she got home. 4 hours go by and i decided to text her to see if she wants to go to dinner, but she never texted me back nor called. Now I don't know if she is avoiding me or if something has changed. I am completely and totally hung up on this girl and I find myself not even able to think straight.

I even look at my phone like every five minutes to see if she text me. I know it's probably bad that she has a boyfriend, but like I said this was all completely by accident. I didn't even feel like this when i met my ex wife. Now I have no idea what to do. I know that she has said that she likes the guy she is dating but has also said that he is boring, doesn't get along with his 7 year old, and he is ten years older than she is (she is 25). What should I do? I know I shouldn't be pushy. Even if she doesn't leave her boyfriend I still don't want to loose her as a friend since that was the goal to begin with. Thank you for any help i can get.

Thomas

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Answer

Dear Thomas

Risky waters your swimming in right now, it's an interesting thing being fresh on the scene in a new city. Although emotions can run rampid (infatuation at it's finest) I would be careful of delving deeper into this relationship you've found yourself in. If you looked at from an outsider's point of view I think you would see that there are quite a few problems with the situation you've found yourself in.

To start off with I've never been much to promote snaking in on someone else's partner. Although it takes two to tango (I.E she shouldn't be sending vibes your way) you shouldn't be making it any easier for her. Out of respect for your fellow man, you shouldn't be getting involved with this girl in any way other then friendship until/if she breaks up with her current boyfriend. She may say she is "bored" of him but he still manages to keep her interested enough for them to be dating. Be weary of her one sided stories. I've met many "serial daters" in my travels and they are by far some of the most alluring yet dangerous women to encounter.

To play the devil's advocate, say you did manage to get this girl away from her current boyfriend, is that any way to meet a partner. This sounds awfully cliché but do on to others as you would like to be done to you. If you end up with this girl through another guy what would stop her from doing it to you later down the road. Infatuation is a powerful thing and sometimes through it's blissful illusions we can find ourselves experiencing emotions that seem ultimately profound. Also understand that sometimes circumstance has a lot to be play with what is being felt.

You're new to the city and new to being single again, this leaves you in a very vulnerable position to adjust to. As it sounds she is one of the first people you've met in the city and it just so happens that she's got some looks to her as well. She has the ability to seemingly fix a lot of your needs, yet these fixes may be temporary. I think there are a lot of safer ways to meet a girl then this one.

The fact is that good looking women have a lot of good looking friends (good friends that might be single). If you slow this down a bit and turn it back into a platonic relationship (before things get weird) you will have a better chance of maintaining and possibly expanding this friendship. It's ok to flirt, but actions shouldn't be kept to a dull roar. Make friends with her boyfriend (might make it easier to keep things platonic if you know who your messing with). Making friends and acquaintances has a bit of a snowball effect if you do it properly, get out there and network.

Best of Luck! 

-Nate Lovestruck