Trouble in Paradise - Infatuated Co-Worker |
I am a married woman who up until recently thought I had the ideal relationship with my husband - he is without a doubt my best friend. Recently however, a man that I work with has revealed that he has strong feelings for me, and I have come to realize I also have have these feelings ( but hadn't been willing to admit it for quite some time ). He is also married, and now is saying that he needs to sort things out and has shut himself off to me. I have never thought about anyone else since I've been married (now 7 years) and am sick that this has come up. This has all happened so fast, and I don't even know how to process any of it - but I'm feeling heartbroken, and can't even explain why. Any suggestions?
Tasha |
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Dear Tasha
Another case of troublesome infatuation. Although perfectly normal,
I would do your best to get out of this headspace. As they say, " the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence" that is until you cross over
it.
In long routed relationships, marriages alike , it is very likely
that you'll run into people that spark your interests. When you
originally fell in love it probably felt like you'd be enamored
forever. Sadly as time moves on, feelings plateau and and if your
not careful, eyes can wonder.
"Eyes can glance, thoughts can be thought of, but actions should be
avoided."
Having lasted 7 years with your husband of present, I would imagine
it is a fairly successful marriage. The passion perhaps at a leveled
state, new romance endeavors seems fresh and exciting. While
corresponding with your co-worker a seed of infatuation was planted.
While it may have been an "interesting" concept, you have to
consider the consequences of if you would have actually acted upon
your urges. You have a wonderful life with a man that you can call
your best friend, would you jeopardize something so indefinite for a
possible fling?
Of course I can understand your feeling of "heartbreak" after your
co-worker's sudden "pull out", but perhaps it's something to learn
from. After all everything happens for a reason, he may have just
saved your marriage. It was new, fresh and interesting, but not
necessarily better. Having potentially realized this , it may have
been why he backed off. He is a married man himself.
At this point I think you should take a good look at your relationship with your husband. You may have reached a plateau in the relationship where things seem mundane and the same. You love the person, but your love has matured, it's far from the passionate days of early dating. You might put your energy into igniting the flames again and see if the infatuation for this other man goes away.
Whoever said love was easy was a dreamer, its a journey. Ups and
downs are expectable, this is just another dip your going to have to
overcome. You're far beyond the "honeymoon stage" and your going to
have to learn how to keep infatuation at bay.
The best things in life cant be given to you, they have to be
earned. As much as marriage can be a difficult thing to maintain, it
definitely has its eternal perks. Infatuation is troublesome
emotion, a great cause for many divorces and heartbreak. Take this
situation as a learning experience and progress beyond, use it as
the push force to get closer to your husband and to refresh the
passion in the relationship.
Best of luck...
-Nate Lovestruck
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