She Flipped The Switch, Why Did She Lead Me On |
I officially broke up with my girlfriend yesterday.
For the last three weeks we had stopped talking, she didn't want to see
me, and never initiated phone calls, it was always me. Finally I began
to suspect something was up so I confronted her about breaking up and
she said no, yet her actions still didn't change. Thinking I would spice
things up a bit, I wrote my feelings in a letter, made her a cd of love
songs, and still got no response. She chose to spend time with her
friends rather then me. I just don't understand why she led me along for
three weeks, giving me the illusion all was well. She'd tell me she
missed me and then would go around and hang out with her friends. I feel
misled, betrayed and also very stupid. She still said she loves me and
wants to be a part of my life, then ended it, like someone turned off a
switch.
Tony |
| Answer: |
Dear Tony
The psychology behind break ups is always interesting, why people do
the things they do. Acting like everything is ok even though it
isn't is a common practice I've seen between couples in rocky
relationships. The person realizes things aren't progressing as much
as they'd like them to, decides that the relationship isn't working
out and at the same time isn't sure if it's the right decision to
make. At this point they become a bit distant, spending more time
away from their partner, hanging out with friends and associates.
Basically trying to determine if they can survive without their
sweetie.
When someone breaks up with you it doesn't necessarily mean they
don't love you, love and wanting to be with someone are two
completely different things. She didn't want to hurt you, and until
she was positive that she wanted out of the relationship she
probably thought it best to mask her feelings. Thus when things do
end, the change from I love you, to I don't want to be with you
feels like a switch has been pulled. Even though she has been
thinking about it a lot longer then you were aware of.
I've been through this game myself and it's never a good feeling.
You feel betrayed for her lying (IE masking) and you feel like
you've just wasted the last three weeks feeling insecure for
nothing.
It's always sad when things don't work out as planned and I'm sorry
to hear things didn't work out between you and this girl. In time
things will seem better, the wound is still fresh. Don't read too
much into the last few weeks of the relationship, you'll only cause
yourself more turmoil. She was confused, and as much as it wasn't
fair of her to play with your feelings, it happened and there's
nothing she can do about it now. Take some time out for yourself, do
some thinking, some writing, and eventually the pain will pass.
Best of Luck...
-Nate Lovestruck
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