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Obsession: I want him back!

I recently ruined a relationship by putting myself on a pedestal and taking my boyfriend for granted. I know now that I want him but he won't have me. I've never been like this and it's becoming borderline obsessive. I text him all the time, I sent a pizza to his shop. Basically I'm begging for another chance and he says I'm wasting my time, but wants to be friend. I can't take it anymore! Why can't I drop this.

Elle
Answer:
Dear Elle
 
Obsession
"A compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion."
 
Once a relationship goes sour, for whatever reason, sometimes adjusting to the single life can be tough. This newfound freedom can be quite terrifying, anxiety kicks in, and desperation follows. Instantly clinging to the last time you remember when things were better. Which in this situation I take it was with your ex.
 
Obsession, a form of dependence. You once relied on your ex for support and now that its gone, things don't seem to make as much sense. Desperately you try to recreate what is now lost.
 
 I suppose there isn't one right answer for a problem like this, but really the only person that is going to help you drop this, is yourself. Evaluate the situation, and realize that things are different now. You should never have to beg for someone back, that relationship is over and you're going to have to accept it.
 
Spend some time away from this guy to get your thoughts sorted out. As much as this sounds silly and cliché, learn to love yourself. You may someday realize that it wasn't so much the guy you were obsessed with, but the support and comfort he represented. Learn to be happy alone, to be content in your own presence. It takes a lot of will power, self control and even a lowering of alcohol consumption (a few drinks and calling him seems like a much better idea) but in the end it will be worth it. Once you learn to be content with yourself, not relying on other people for support and comfort, you'll find life much more comfortable.
 
Hope things work out =)
 
 -Nate Lovestruck

 
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April 2005 4B

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