unrequited love - Infatuation Confuses Us All |
I met his girl while I was taking part in a school
musical, we were partnered up for a dance routine. Over time we got to
know each other and became the friends in which we are today.
During this time we spent together, I found myself steadily falling for
her. She is in the year below me, worst still she is leaving at the end
of the school year and I really do believe I'm falling in love with her.
The problem is I know she doesn't like me this way. At one point I
suspected she liked me so I confronted her on it during the early days
of us getting to know each other. I ask whether she felt any different
towards me, and she replied that she didn't. Sure I was bummed out, but
there and then I decided not to get over her, which usually under any
other circumstance I would. I decided and realized that she was worth
all of it, everything, all the emotions of not getting over her.
Lately she has been into this other guy, who may or may not like her. It
was easy pinning for her when she didn't like someone, but now it's
tough.
I guess you should know some background information about myself. Just
last summer I had told my best friend (girl) that I was in love with her
for two long years. That's right, I was in love with her and did nothing
because I knew she would never see me in that way. I told her, things
didn't change, and it took an entire summer to get over her.
In hindsight, my best friend was my first love. Looking back on it I
fell in love with the "perception" I had of her, not the "reality." This
new girl that I'm falling for, her reality is exactly the perception
that I fell in love with in my best friend.
What makes things worse, this girl is really over-friendly, so I find
myself reading into insignificant things that she does as a sign of
affection. I know she doesn't like me but I can't help but to analyze
it. I know you can't make someone like you, and I know this entire
letter is rather random, but I need some advice on what I can do to be
honest.
I think I'm being rather reluctant to not get over her for the fact that
I think she's "one hell of a girl" and I think she's worth it. At the
same time I'm tired of being on the side of unrequited love... What
should I do?
Aeron
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| Answer: |
Dear Aeron
After reading your letter I would have to say that I think you are only
infatuated with this girl, not really in love. They are somewhat alike
in feeling and often get confused with each other. You confess that you
fell in love with your best friend, and now believe your falling in love
with this new gal. As rough as this may sound I believe it to be just
that, infatuation.
Infatuation:
"A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant short lived passion or
attraction."
You find yourself caring about someone at such a passionate level
without wanting to accept the fact that they don't feel the same way
about you. You tend to look past their flaws, the things that you
normally wouldn't agree with, eventually creating your own "reality" of
their wonder. There are millions of girls out there. Are you sure this
is your quote "perfect reality" and not just another morphed perception?
The fact that she's not into you might be what's feeding the passion,
wanting what we can't have? We all long for that special feeling of love,
and as experience proves, it usually comes when you least suspect it.
Don't get me wrong here, there is something to be said for perseverance.
Sometimes things can change, opinions morphed, there's always a brief
chance a mindset will flip, but it rarely happens. Looking at the
situation it can
be a depressing thought to just "give up." The problem being, the longer
nothing happens between you two, the more damage it is doing. You watch
her look at other guys and you long to be with her, but things may never
change. Not only are you limiting yourself by holding out for someone
who isn't
interested in you, you are also hurting yourself by clinging desperately
to something that wasn't necessarily there to begin with.
We all get attracted to people, sometimes mentally, sometimes
physically. Slowly as infatuation kicks in, we get lost in a mist, set
out to achieve this goal at all cost to one's emotional health. Reading
deeply into everything the person does. They rested they're arm on my
shoulder, they smiled at me a bit longer then usual, the analyze is the
death of us and rarely means anything substantial.
I suggest moving on, as depressing as that may sound. If you can't hang
out with this person without feeling overwhelmed, perhaps you may have
to distance yourself for a while. Look into making new connections with
people, new friends, new conquests. Realize, that in time you will meet
someone that you really like and they'll feel the same way towards you.
It might sound romantic to pine over someone who's playing "hard to
get", but in the end you're only hurting yourself. As much as this may
sound awfully cliché, if they can't appreciate you for who you are,
you're much better off without them. Move on and leave yourself open to
meeting someone new.
Best of Luck
-Nate Lovestruck
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