The Mind of the Broken Hearted
A Small Glimpse of the Realities of Love
Throughout our lives we are all bound to experience a variety of relationships. The toughest thing most of us will learn is that those first few relationships don’t generally work out, and you’re bound to experience a little heart break. As much as these experiences are dreadfully painful, I believe they are essential for us to correctly understand ourselves, and why we do the things we do.
When relationships head for the worst, people go through a collection of emotions - from rage to frustration to acceptance and finally to understanding. You must repeat these phases of emotion as necessary until you realize that life is going to be different now. The fear of change, feelings of loneliness, obsession, and infatuation, all make being “free” a scary thing.
I have been in many different kinds of relationships in my life, be it a casual fling, a close friendship, or a soul evoked love - they all follow the same rules. A relationship has to be cared for and, much like a plant without water, a relationship will wither and die if not nurtured correctly. Depending on your match, a dash of understanding, a pinch of smiles, a tablespoon of your undivided attention might be all you need to make a successful relationship..
Love comes at the most unexpected time, and follows no rules. Just when you think you’ve figured out the manual on love, it changes languages, is reversed, and grows another two hundred pages. Realizing that the beast cannot be tamed is the first lesson; the second is to learn how to ride it and move with its flow. Live life and never take it for granted. Keeping things fresh and exciting in your relationship will ensure a healthy and happy existence with your partner, or friend. As Confucius once said, “Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance”.
Love is indeed an interesting thing. After examining my own thoughts, turmoil and pain, and after talking to many friends and associates that have gone through the journey of lost love, I have come to realize that most of us only truly appreciate and understand love when it is no longer there. As if even though you know you cared for this person a great deal while you were with them, when it ends you almost feel it more.
When the relationship is no longer there, your body craves it like an intense drug, as if life without it no longer has any meaning. When love ends, thunder strikes, the ground shakes and your heart feels black. The sun seems grey, the sky an off color, and the world a very unfriendly, lonely place. You no longer see the good in the world, and people all take on the same shape- clones and drones continuing the monotonous chores we have to subject ourselves to in order to survive.
Often you find yourself reminiscing about the past memories that were happiest, not concentrating on the bad parts of the relationship, and therefore making it seem more perfect then it really was. You try to comprehend “Why, why, why did it ever end?”. Obviously there were some things that went wrong in the contract, or it would still be going. You know now why it ended, and are most likely willing to change and adapt to make things right, but sometimes it’s just too late. It’s time to accept the situation and move on, because you don’t yet know all the things that are awaiting you.
I believe that amazing things often occur long before their own time, and if they are truly meant to be, they may happen again later in life. There are countless stories of grandma and grandpa hooking up in their late 70's after being high school sweethearts at the age of 17. They have both been married twice, had children, careers and now through some odd twist of fate they are here together once again. After hearing those stories, I decided to never give up on love, and I realized that even though you think you’ve climbed your Everest of love, you won’t know until later if it was just a foothill compared to the next experience.
In closing, I say to you: get off the couch, breath once again and live! For that is why we’re here - to experience, to understand and learn more about the world around us. There will be more loves in your life, some big, some small, and you will be happy again someday. So never give up your faith in love or in yourself, for it will be ok. I promise.