Six Stages of a Broken Heart

by Lena Madrona

Fixing a broken heart can be tough...

fix a broken heart

At one point or another almost everyone has experienced a broken heart. Whether it happened in 3rd grade or a week before your 80th birthday, most of us can relate to the Celine Dion song “All by Myself” (even though we won't admit it). What's important is to get through this passing phase of your

You definitely know it's time to stop brooding over your broken heart when you start to notice that your friends are ditching you (for some odd reason, analyzing the “break-up hug” for 3 hours a pop seems boring to them), your parents roll their eyes every time you recall a story about your ex, and the pictures of your ex are getting more dog-eared by the day. However, this grieving process is perfectly natural, and everyone has their own way of getting over a broken heart. My way is by following the 6 stages I mention below.


Stage One

The Realization - Lately you notice that things have been a bit rocky between you and your partner, well ROCKY may be an understatement! TREMULOUS, ROLLER COASTER RIDE FROM HELL is much more like it. Okay, maybe now I'm just exaggerating. Anyways, you've come to realize that things aren't going to work out unless you enjoy getting the “silent treatment”. Somehow, the sparks that were flying at the beginning of the relationship have now turned into an uncontrollable forest fire. Ultimately, you need to muster up the courage and face the fact that things aren't AREN’T WORKING.

Stage Two

The ACTUAL Realization - Okay, so you had the biggest fight ever and vow never to see him/her again. So, what happens now when you realize you can never call them again for a quick cup of coffee... or, at all? What if you start to miss them? What if they DON'T miss you? You might start to think maybe it wasn't a good idea to break up after all. And then you have an epiphany. OF COURSE it was a good idea -- the relationship wasn't working out.  Don't call them, remember you broke up for a reason. Just because you miss them doesn't mean it'll be great when you see them again. Just keep reminding yourself why you broke up in the first place and DON'T CALL THEM!

Stage Three

The Crappy Part -Once you realize that your life will be different, this is what I call the crap-pi-phany (like epiphany). You go through the phrase of listening to songs that remind you of them, cry into a pillow that still smells like them, and agonize about what’s going to happen next. Your life may seem over, but trust me, time heals all wounds and even a broken heart will mend over time. This stage sucks, but it's vital believe me. DO NOT hold in your hurt, you'll only feel worst later on.

Stage Four:

The Rage - That bitch/bastard! I treated them like gold! This is the most critical stage - Bitterness. You list all their annoying traits that you once thought was actually cute. Who actually uses the word "poopy"? At this point instead of wasting your day in bed watching old reruns of Maury Povich you get out of bed and dress to impress. Now that you look good and feel good you can actually say and believe it, " if they don't want you, that's their problem, not yours. Over time you'll start missing them less and love yourself more. Keep yourself busy with new hobbies, school, work and friends. There is no point feeling sorry for yourself when there is a whole world out there waiting for you with plenty of new and exciting people to meet.

Stage Five:

The Crush - Over time you'll begin to realize that your ex isn't the only one in the world. Wow! There's some damn fine peeps in this city. The point is, once you're able to open yourself up again, other people will want to get to know you. Even if you're not ready to start an intense relationship with somebody else, get out there and start having fun again. You'll get over your ex a lot faster if you stop moping around.

Stage Six:

FREEDOM!- You haven't thought about your ex in days, (well it's a start) and BAM, there they are strolling down the street with someone else, AND your stomach doesn’t lurch as if there’s a gerbil on steroids lodged in your intestines, your face doesn’t even turn bright red. When you say hi , your ex looks more uncomfortable than you. Once the encounter is over, you stroll away proud and tall and don't think about the encounter for more then 10 minutes ever again.  (PS. Have they put on weight?). You smile, because now you know you are finally free and ready to open up and love again.

This concludes my analysis of the trauma of a broken heart, from my experience. Although some stages may be longer than others, the important thing to remember is, you WILL get over this. If someone doesn't love you anymore or you don’t love them, there is no point in staying together even if it hurts to break up. Over time the pain will heal and you'll be ready to let others in and share your wonderful self with them. If they break your heart, learn, feel (because it’s important to be human), and live again. I’m a true believer in soul mates, just because one relationship didn’t click, doesn't mean that there's not another person waiting close by to snatch you up.